Oh man, where to start...I guess it all started at Stake Conference. I had been praying about Adam a lot, asking Heavenly Father if being with him was the right thing to do or if my doubts were right. Then, that day I got my answer.
Before Stake Conference, I had almost decided I was going to be with Levi. I love his company, he's so funny, and it was finally easy for me to see a life with him. I pictured us hanging out in our apartment and I liked what I saw. We hung out in my apartment and had lunch and watched Princess and the Frog which was a really good movie. We held hands and cuddled and I really enjoyed it. Recently we had started kissing like a couple instead of just making out. Sweet little kisses that made us feel love and care for eachother rather than lust and that made our relationship grow. I was really enjoying the way things were going and was really close to being with Levi. Dangerously close. It was seriously divine intervention that stopped me.
It was time to go to Stake Conference and Chels was walking with Tyson and Adam and I was just going to get a ride with Levi. But then Adam decided he was going to walk with me, like a true gentleman. Except I was all cuddled up on the couch with Levi. Adam knocked on the door and poked his head in and remained very composed when he saw us. He said, "Hey do you have a ride to church?" and I said yes and kind of tried to brush it off because I couldn't very well offer him a ride with Levi. Looking back, I bet Levi really enjoyed holding my hand while Adam was right there. Kind of like a, "Haha sucker, I've got her, you don't." But then Caitie ended up saying she was driving and could give Adam a ride. So me and Levi left before Adam came back for his ride. I felt really bad about what had happened. Me and Levi rode to church and he dropped me off and we made plans to meet up after to hang out.
Then when I got to church, there were a lot of people there and I was trying to find my better half, Chelsy. I ended up just taking a seat because I couldn't find her but then saw her and Tyson sit down. That was a really significant event because that was why I got up and started walking again, where I found Adam and Caitie. I couldn't even make eye contact with Adam, I felt so bad about what had happened. I knew he was somewhat bitter about it. How could he not be? We couldn't get to where Chelsy and Tyson were so we ended up going to the overflow which was pretty much empty. It was Adam, Me, and Caitie but then others came in, most of which were members of our ward. We sat down and started listening to the talks. I decided to take the back side of the music paper they had given us and take notes. I take really nice looking notes by the way.
I could see that Adam was taking notes on his Iphone. The speaker was talking about the importance of getting married or something like that. I looked over and saw that he wrote, "Why are you not married? You are a menace to society." and I thought it was really funny. Then I wrote down on a new bullet, "Get married." and I knew he would see it but that wasn't the only reason I did it. It was really something that I wanted to write because I feel it is something I need to do at this point in my life. I really do want to get married. I could marry Adam. Easily. But that's beside the point. I heard him snicker a little bit and was pleased with myself because he thought it was just something I was just writing and thought we were on the same page, which we were, but I did see what he wrote and knew what his reaction would be.
Then the wife of the speaker got up and started talking about the important things you should look for when choosing an eternal companion. I was thinking about Adam this whole time. Looking for an answer to my prayer and realizing that this was right on track to what I was thinking about. One of my main problems with dating Adam was that there wasn't an initial, intense spark that drew me to him as it had been with all the other guys I've dated. That concerned me because I took it to mean that there wasn't enough compatibility between us for it to work out long term. She said the person should uplift you, yes, share your same interests, yes, they should have the same goal of eternal life as you do, yes, and the last thing she said really blew me away. At this point I was getting kind of squirmy in my seat because I was realizing Adam was all of these things for me. Then she came straight out and said, "Compatibility is not important." That was too much for me. It was like Heavenly Father looked me in the face and spoke directly to me. It was so powerful that I got up immediately and ran out of the room. I went to the bottom of the stairs where I could still hear the talk that was being given, and I just cried. Sobbed is more like it. It was uncontrollable. Like when a child is overwhelmed and can't breathe enough to form coherent sentences. After a good 5 minutes of that, I went to the bathroom and blew my nose because it was running a lot. I looked in the mirror, and something Chelsy had said to me randomly popped into my head. I noticed that I don't really look weird or ugly when I cry. She told me I looked cute when I cry once, and as shallow and weird as it sounds, at that moment, I paused in my intense flow of emotion to think to myself, "Huh. I am kind of cute when I cry..." and now we're back.
Then I went back and Caitie was being completely tactless and kept looking at me as if to say, "Why is your face red? Have you been crying? Are you ok??" which really annoyed me. But Adam played it cool. I was happy for that. Then the husband of the woman who had touched me so deeply got up and said something else I needed to hear. I was still kind of afraid of being with Adam because, what if it is wrong? Then I'm not only hurting myself, I'm hurting him too which I would hate. He's such a good man and he's going through so much, the last thing he needs right now is a girl to toy with his feelings because she isn't sure. He said, "Pray about what your should do. Ask of the Lord and he will tell you. Then if you choose wrong, he will stop you before it is too late." That was all I needed. I decided right then to finally start listening to the Spirit and do what the Lord wanted me to. I left that meeting so full of love for my Heavenly Father and so spiritually edified. I knew what I had to do. Me and Adam and Caitie had dinner provided by Caitie, it was a kind of chili soup, but then Adam left and I felt like I had upset him still with the whole Levi thing. I wondered if it was too late and if I hadn't acted soon enough but I knew I still had to try and be obedient even if Adam rejected me.
Then Levi texted me. At this point I was still on Levi's side. I still wanted him but I knew I had to give Adam a chance, a real chance. I told him we could still hang out and we did. We ended up going to his apartment and watching the 5th Element on my recommendation. It was a horrible movie. Way better when I was like...12. I was enjoying being with him knowing it would be the last time. I was being selfish. He didn't know what was going on or what was going to happen, I just wasn't ready to let him go. I wanted to see how things with Adam went but deep down, I knew me and Levi were over. I just spent that night with him as if everything were ok. It was nice. And I do miss him but I'm not sure if it's because of how much we kissed and how affectionate we were towards eachother or because we really would have been good together had it not been for Adam.
That night after I got back, I had a text from Adam asking if I wanted to play guitar before Ward Prayer because he and I had talked about learning "Need You Now" by Lady Antabellum and I had gotten him the piano music. I replied about 3 hours later because I was with Levi saying I wished I could have because it would have been really fun and I bet he was probably already in bed. Then he replied and said he wasn't and if I wanted to meet in the lodge at 11:45, we could practice for a little while before it closed. I agreed and talked to chels in the inbetween time about how I was going to go for it. I was nervous because, after the day's events with Levi, I wasn't sure if he would still be interested.
So we met up and played for about 10 minutes then had to leave. I had brought my notes from Stake Conference to show him exactly what happened.I told him I wanted to talk to him so we sat down in the hall. Sadly I forgot my notes in the hymn book and never got them back. But I told him everything that had been going on in my head and said that if he was up for it, I was up for giving us a try. He smiled, most likely enjoying how nervous and out of my element I was, and said he had a story that he thought I would enjoy. He didn't even tell me straight out what he wanted to do! The suspense was killing me. (Side note, I just made a Freudian slip whilst typing. I meant to say "killing me," but accidentally typed "kissing me." Foreshadowing? We shall see...) I had made a playlist for him a couple days prior with all the songs from Playlist.com and Pandora and other playlists on grooveshark that I have liked. It's a really good playlist. He pulled up the lyrics from one and told me this was one of the most direct answers to his prayers he had gotten through a song and it was the first one that played when he listened to the playlist I made. It was as follows:
Back up, back up, take another chance
Don?t you mess up, mess up, I don?t wanna lose you
Wake up, wake up, this ain't just a thing that you
Give up, give up, don?t you say that I?d be
Better off, better off, sleeping by myself and wondering
If I'm better off, better off without you boy
Then he said that yes, he would like to give it a chance. So that night, 3-16-11, was the night Adam Lysenko and I started dating. The Lord told me to do it and for the first time in my life, I followed the Spirit. It was the right thing to do.
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