My First Church Talk

THis talk was given this past sunday. I wish I hadn't written it all out and maybe talked more from the heart, but that aside, I was proud of it. I enjoyed talking.

Brothers and sisters, I am delighted to be speaking to you today. I was ecstatic when I was asked to speak and I pray that my words will touch your souls and witness the reality of the scriptures unto you while bearing witness of the truth of this church as you have done for me time and time again.

         While considering how to go about this talk, I realized, I am not as knowledgeable as some of the people here. Many of you in this room have spent years learning and studying the scriptures while I have only had a short amount of time to do so. When I considered this fact, I became intimidated by it. How am I supposed to tell people how to study their scriptures when they have so much more experience than I do. Then I realized, that’s not what I’m supposed to do at all. No one in this audience needs me to tell them how to study their scriptures. If you are having problems doing so and are seeking answers, you will find them whether or not I tell you how to go about doing it. So today I am going to speak to you about why the scriptures and the study thereof is important to me and how it has influenced my life.

         I am a convert to this church and am very grateful for that fact. My mother got re-married when I was 14 years old to an inactive member of the church. When they discussed how they wanted to raise their future children, there was no doubt in either of their minds that Church should be a part of their lives. My step father said he could not imagine life in any other church other than the LDS church. So with the help of him mother and a close friend of mine, my mother and I were baptized together on January 7^th, 2005, the day before my birthday. Every time I hear some inspiring and tear jerking story about baptism, I have to admit, I get jealous. I have no amazing story about how I came across the gospel or how I accepted it. I simply heard it was true and believed it. I thought of the book of mormon as more of a text book. Something I had not yet learned but did not doubt. Since I came to BYU, this fact bothered me to a great extent. I began to question my faith, wondering if I was too young to make such a life altering descision or if I did it out of family pressure. Over the past few years, I learned to work around those doubts and progress in my faith, but never quite got past them. This is where my testimony of the importance of scripture study comes in.

         The scriptures are such a powerful resource we have as Latter Day Saints. It is amazing to me how something as historical as the scriptures, so concrete and constant, can be so fluid and diverse at the same time. We can look at the same scripture a thousand times and never pay any attention to it until one day, it is the answer to all our questions. One night I was talking to a friend and we got into a discussion about the Church. We discussed my conversion and I willingly told the story of how it came about, and almost without noticing, went into my doubts and worries that I had hidden away for so long. This inspired and educated friend proceeded to share with me one simple scripture that solved this problem that had plagued me for so long. Quoting Alma 32:15-16

When I had gone for so long thinking that me converting and accepting the gospel into my life in such a casual sort of way, without angels singing or the Lord commanding me to do so as if it was a bad thing had been a road block in my spiritual progession. This one simple scripture changed all of that and I was beyond thankful for it. This is an example of comfort. One of the many uses of the scriptures and the one that I personally use the most.

         I find myself lying in bed, far to late for me to be just getting to sleep, being very conscious of the scriptures not more than 2 feet away from my hand. There’s always that voice of reasons (I say reasons because there is no “reason” to this voice, all it gives me is excuses) that voice of reasons that tells me it’s ok to just go to sleep. I wouldn’t be completely committed to studying tonight anyways. Then the next morning after I am rested and am strong enough to push that voice away, I feel horribly guilty. Not because I didn’t read the scriptures that night, but because in my mind, I have told the Lord that he is unimportant. That I do not appreciate all he has done for me and that sleep or other activities are more important to me. When we read our scriptures, we are remembering God. When we do not, we are pushing him aside and forgetting him in our lives. He has given us such a powerful resource to get back to him someday. It is literally an instruction manual with everything we need to do. I don’t think the Lord could have made it any easier for us. Not only does it tell us what we need to do, it helps us do it! It gives us strength and confidence that its words are true. It tells us what is to come and what to expect, it guides us along our way and invites the spirit to give us even more revalation. I would now like to quote a hymn that sums up the power of the scriptures and how incredibly important they are.

“1. As I search the holy scriptures,
 Loving Father of mankind,
 May my heart be blessed with wisdom,
 And may knowledge fill my mind.

2. As I search the holy scriptures,
 Touch my spirit, Lord, I pray.
 May life’s myst’ries be unfolded
 As I study day by day.

3. As I search the holy scriptures,
 May thy mercy be revealed.
 Soothe my troubled heart and spirit;
 May my unseen wounds be healed.

4. As I search the holy scriptures,
 Help me ponder and obey. 
In thy word is life eternal;
 May thy light show me the way.”

This hymn so articulately puts into words what I feel and have been trying to tell you today. The lord speaks to us through the scriptures. He speaks to our hearts as we study and show our faith in him. I know that the Lord has all the answers and longs to give them to us, be cannot do so unless we follow his commandments, ask, and seek those answers. By searching the scriptures, we are not only remembering him, but we are inviting him into our lives and giving him permission to guide us along our way. I have a testimony of this church and I believe that the scriptures are here to help us in every aspect of our lives. They answer the questions of our heart and help us receive the Lord into our lives. I am greatful to have had the opportunity to speak to you today and I want all of you to know that I believe in this church wholeheartedly. I know President Monson is a prophet and that he receives revalation on our behalf. I know we are all sons and daughters of our heavenly father and that all he wants is for us to come back home to him. That is why he gave us these holy scriptures. I am ungreatful and if I did not take advantage of this blessing and feast on the words they contain. I know without a doubt that this church is true and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Smitten

It's been a while since I wrote anything and there's a lot to say. First, things with Adam have been on and off. Sometime's I'm really into him, sometimes I'm not at all and I come to the conclusion that I'm going to break it off. But then, we always go for a drive and have these great talks and he always changes my mind. I know it's worth a try and he always reminds me of that. Tonight it was so easy. We had a talk in his car last night and I told him that maybe part of the reason why I haven't grown closer to him is because he doesn't let me in in the same way I let him in. I am a very open and honest person and I told him that he isn't very open. He hides his emotions a lot. If he's sad or upset, I can usually tell, but not with any help from him. He always puts on that same smile as if he's hiding himself from the rest of the world. I told him this and he said it terrified him because that's exactly how his dad is and a big part of the reason why his parents are getting divorced. So if nothing else comes from us being together, at least I helped him realize that. One thing I admire about him so much is that he yearns for perfection. He wants to be the best person he can be, and he doesn't just think, "Ya it would be great if I could be like this or change this about myself," he actually does it! I love that.

I think he makes me a better person. I am so much more involved in the church with him in my life. I realized yesterday that when I had pretty much decided that I was going to break things off, I immediately felt lost again. Like my life had no purpose. I felt unstable. It's good having him around. You might be asking yourself, "Why is she so optimistic right now?" You might also be asking yourself, "Who is this 'you' she is referring to?" Well I'll tell you. First off, I'm pretty sure chelsy is the only one who reads this but I'm ok with that. Maybe one day I'll share it with someone else, but that will be a big deal. I am an honest person, but this has so many of my secrets. So much of my thoughts that not many people hear. Only one person hears actually. And that's my beloved Chelsy :) Second, I am so optimistic tonight because of my talk with Adam.

Today was a really good day. I was looking forward to seeing him all day and it payed off. I texted him today and it wasn't forced. It was because I wanted to talk to him. He made me laugh a lot with his texts. A few of them were pictures of his reaction to what I said. It was super funny. I laughed out loud. But that's beside the point. Here's the poing (.) and I'm beside it. (me)      (.)  That looks like a boob doesn't it...stupid breast cancer awareness post of facebook! This part is going to be embarrassing if Adam ever reads this. But this should fix it. Hey Adam, remember that one time when you came over to my apartment and I caught you staring at my roommate's boobs? Twice? Haha...problem solved.

So tonight Adam came to my door, finally, and said, "Hey, you have shoes on. Come to the lodge with me." then that super cute smile he does. I don't know how to describe it but I like it so much. So we went and he told me about how he had called his mom today telling her he needed help because he was his dad. She was at the gym and got advice from the other ladies there too which I thought was funny. I am going to have such a reputation by the time I meet this woman for real. Wow did I just say that? Apparently I plan on meeting Adam's mom. I would like that. She sounds like a funny lady. Anyways, she said that when her and her husband went to marriage counseling, the counselor told them to write lists of the things they appreciate about eachother. He said his dad's was kind of lame, filled with things like, "I love that you keep the house clean. I love that you're good with bills." Completely devoid of emotion. So then he said, that's what he did. At this point I thought the list was about him. Things he hides or things he likes about himself. I wasn't sure but I was sure excited to hear it! Then he said I had asked him why he liked me a couple of times and he never felt like he gave an adequate answer. This is when I realized the list was about me. I asked him if it was and he said yes. then I got really nervous. I couldn't stop smiling. He said that this was very hard for him, showing so much emotion, but he wanted to read it to me. This is what it said:

For Gabrielle,

Why do I like you? (In no particular order)

1.Gabby, you have so much personality. YOu are so alive! There are interesting people, and there are boring people, and you are definitely not the boring kind. And even thought our personalities are different, it's so exciting to me to feel your energy when you let it show; You make me feel more alive when you shine!

2. As different as we are, I've also found so many little things that we both love, and every time I have, it has given me pause and made me think more than once, "Wow, I really like this girl." We harmonize (and sound GOOOOD), we both play a variety of instruments (thoughts when you told me you play Five For Fighting on the piano, "Where have you been all my life!?!?"), you like those Japanese Miyazaki films (nobody knows about those!), you love cats (so many great youtube videos...), and the list goes on. I love sharing those things with you.

3. I see in you so many traits and characteristics that I wish I possessed, and I love when they rub off on me. You bring out parts of me that don't often see the light of day, given my background and upbringing. I feel more relaxed, more at ease, more funny, and generally great about who I am when I'm around you.

4. You are beautiful, and not just when you have had the time to make yourself up; I've seen you with frizzy hair, or over long weekends, and nothing changes. You are naturally beautiful and always look amazing. If I haven't made it clear, if I haven't found the words to say, I want you to know that I find you very attractive. I don't know how you felt, but the first time you laid your head on my shoulder, the first time you held my hand, and nearly every time since then, you've sent warm shivers down my spine. I never want those moments to end.

Some things I would greatly miss without you:

1. Your funny noises (SMOOT!!) ... they are adorable.

2. The way you smell ... I don't know if it's your perfume or what, but you always smell amazing, and it makes my heart beat a little bit faster every time I breathe you in.

3. Doing things I love with you ... so much better than doing those same things without you! Dancing, skiing, working at Gloria's, and you seem so excited about soccer games, the symphony, ice skating...

4. Talking with you...I feel so comfortable talking to you about anything, and so often come away from conversations with you happier, smarter, and uplifted.

These lists are by no means comprehensive; with you it's always been the more time I spend with you, the longer the list gets. But I've thought long and hard and mean everything I have written. The point of all this is, no matter what happens, I don't want there to be any doubt or confusion in your mind of how I feel about you and what you mean to me. Turns out you mean a lot.

With love, your friend, and complicated boyfriend,

Adam

Wow...he is amazing. I get to be with this guy. This considerate, loving, sweet, thoughtful, smart, AMAZING man! He uses semicolons...I don't even know what those do. He sounds so intelligent when he speaks and when he was saying these things to me, I could tell he wanted me to know he meant them. He was so passionate when he spoke. He's a good speaker. He said he wanted me to have it and gave it to me in a little red envelope used for Chinese New Year. He said money is usually given in them and I told him this was so much better. Then I took it from his hand and took his hands in mine and sincerely kissed him. I felt there was no other way to express how he had touched my heart. It was a very sweet kiss too. Soft and sweet. The kind I love, when our foreheads touch and it lingers but not for too long. The kind that leaves you longing for the other person. I don't know what the days to come will bring, but right now I know what I'm feeling. I've felt it before. Not just because of this, but because of all he is and all he has been for me, I think I'm starting to fall in love with Adam. I would be the luckiest girl alive to end up with him. I'm not going to let this opportunity slip past me. If it fails, it won't be for lack of me trying.

When I thought of me ending up with someone, it was never a man like him. I always knew men like him existed, but i never thought I would be worthy of one. I am so glad he's in my life. We're going to have lunch tomorrow. I wan to do something nice for him. like I used to for past boyfriends before they discouraged me. I am happy.

I dislike hot dogs, corn dogs, and horn dogs.

Tonight I went to my class for the first time in quite a while but I was so happy to do it. I'm getting my life back in order and it feels good. I feel like I have purpose again. Adam had a wake to go to for his Grandpa so he wasn't available until later in the night. I think today I decided to be a Public Relations emphasis in the Communications major. It seemed like a good fit for me. The woman was listing qualities PR majors have and all of them fit me. They were:

Good writing and logic skills
Good research skills
Like working with people
Have a "way with words: and bring new perspectives
High self esteem - people are interested in what you have to say
Able to take criticism and correction well
Opinionated
Flexible (ability to revise your opinion if conditions indicate you should)
High tolerance for ambiguity (not set on having a schedule, fine if things change on a dime)

It sounded pretty good to me. I think I could do it. But the Advertising focus looked really fun and I consider myself to be creative so I'm really not sure. My only problem with advertising is that it looked like a major for dumb people who only have creativity going for them and I don't respect those people at all so how could I be expected to work in that environment?

Anyways, he texted me while I was in class and said he was going to whisk me away again. I really like it when he does that. I got home and ate dinner and for some reason, decided to put chapstick on. A good choice in retrospect. Side note, I did my hair curly today. It looks good but considering the events that transpired, I wish I would have straightened it so it didn't seem like what happened, happened to someone else. I got to his door and he said something about my hair being wavy. It didn't seem like he liked it but that could just be my insecurities talking. Anyways, we went up to a path in the canyon and walked for a while. It was a beautiful night. Not to cold, but not hot yet. The stars were beautiful and the mountains looked amazing. I should have known what was coming but I was just focusing on the beauty of the scene before me. He's so good at being romantic.

While we were walking, I saw a potential path up some rocks and thought it would be cool to climb up so, just like me, without regard to the other person, I started my ascent. He followed willingly, he has said I march to the beat of my own drum so he must be used to it by now. We get up to a good sitting spot and looked at the view of Provo. I told him I kind of liked having poor vision sometimes because it made the lights blur together into a beautiful sparkling bunch. We made small talk for a while then he said, "Well, I have to admit, I did have a plan here." I said, "Oh? And what was that?" then he said, "I think I've waited long enough to kiss you. (At this point I got embarrassed and turned away) Is that ok with you?" I laughed a nervous laugh and said, "Yes, I think so." All the while freaking out because I couldn't make eye contact but how was he going to kiss me if I didn't face him? He just said, come here, and pulled me into him and kissed me. Problem. Me and Chelsy had made this elaborate alternate reality where when Adam kissed me, it would be sweet and magical. Tender and pure. But I guess him not having a girlfriend for 3 years overpowered that. It was a hungry kiss. I was glad his eyes were closed because there is no way I could have hidden my disappointment. My mind was reeling. I couldn't help but thing of my first kiss with Chris. It was so innocent. So sweet. He kissed me because he cared about me, not because he wanted to kiss someone. I wish so badly it had been that way with Adam. I pulled away from him and started talking again. Then later, in an attempt to save what was left of my fairytale, I kissed him lightly on the cheek, but he said "Come on now" and pulled my face to his and kissed me again, the same way. If I hadn't put a stop to it both times, it would have been making out. That's not what I wanted for my first kiss with him. I pulled away kind of abruptly. I'm sure he noticed.

So now I'm left with this sad empty feeling. I was so sure I wouldn't have to deal with this with him. He's so good. I was convinced he didn't have hormones. And now I can't stop thinking about the sweet kiss with Chris, and the affectionate meaningful kisses with Levi. We did have those towards the end. I liked it. I'll give it time and see if he stops. But I don't need another guy I have to keep at arms length. That's precisely the reason I keep this tough girl guard up. I've been hurt. I don't want this to turn into another one of those situations. He even said, after I said I had never had someone ask if they could kiss me before, that he had been very careful with me because he never wanted me to think he was just out to "get some." Little did he know, his actions spoke so much louder than his words. I wish I could talk to Levi right now. I still miss him. I feel like it might be worldly things that are keeping me with Adam right now. I feel like this is what I need to be doing, but should I be doing it if it's for the wrong reasons? He takes me to do such fun things. We're going to the festival of colors, the Utah Symphony, and the Real Salt Lake game with box seats valued at $200 dollars. I would lead a life of luxury with him. But I always knew that's not what I wanted. I want love. Pure and sweet. I just want to find someone to give it to me. I'm sad right now. I knew all the other things I did left me empty and alone but I didn't think a kiss could do it. Hopefully he can make me feel loved for more than the physical before I get scared away.

You can play snake on Youtube?? And then there was Adam

Oh man, where to start...I guess it all started at Stake Conference. I had been praying about Adam a lot, asking Heavenly Father if being with him was the right thing to do or if my doubts were right. Then, that day I got my answer.

Before Stake Conference, I had almost decided I was going to be with Levi. I love his company, he's so funny, and it was finally easy for me to see a life with him. I pictured us hanging out in our apartment and I liked what I saw. We hung out in my apartment and had lunch and watched Princess and the Frog which was a really good movie. We held hands and cuddled and I really enjoyed it. Recently we had started kissing like a couple instead of just making out. Sweet little kisses that made us feel love and care for eachother rather than lust and that made our relationship grow. I was really enjoying the way things were going and was really close to being with Levi. Dangerously close. It was seriously divine intervention that stopped me.

It was time to go to Stake Conference and Chels was walking with Tyson and Adam and I was just going to get a ride with Levi. But then Adam decided he was going to walk with me, like a true gentleman. Except I was all cuddled up on the couch with Levi. Adam knocked on the door and poked his head in and remained very composed when he saw us. He said, "Hey do you have a ride to church?" and I said yes and kind of tried to brush it off because I couldn't very well offer him a ride with Levi. Looking back, I bet Levi really enjoyed holding my hand while Adam was right there. Kind of like a, "Haha sucker, I've got her, you don't." But then Caitie ended up saying she was driving and could give Adam a ride. So me and Levi left before Adam came back for his ride. I felt really bad about what had happened. Me and Levi rode to church and he dropped me off and we made plans to meet up after to hang out.

Then when I got to church, there were a lot of people there and I was trying to find my better half, Chelsy. I ended up just taking a seat because I couldn't find her but then saw her and Tyson sit down. That was a really significant event because that was why I got up and started walking again, where I found Adam and Caitie. I couldn't even make eye contact with Adam, I felt so bad about what had happened. I knew he was somewhat bitter about it. How could he not be? We couldn't get to where Chelsy and Tyson were so we ended up going to the overflow which was pretty much empty. It was Adam, Me, and Caitie but then others came in, most of which were members of our ward. We sat down and started listening to the talks. I decided to take the back side of the music paper they had given us and take notes. I take really nice looking notes by the way.

I could see that Adam was taking notes on his Iphone. The speaker was talking about the importance of getting married or something like that. I looked over and saw that he wrote, "Why are you not married? You are a menace to society." and I thought it was really funny. Then I wrote down on a new bullet, "Get married." and I knew he would see it but that wasn't the only reason I did it. It was really something that I wanted to write because I feel it is something I need to do at this point in my life. I really do want to get married. I could marry Adam. Easily. But that's beside the point. I heard him snicker a little bit and was pleased with myself because he thought it was just something I was just writing and thought we were on the same page, which we were, but I did see what he wrote and knew what his reaction would be.

Then the wife of the speaker got up and started talking about the important things you should look for when choosing an eternal companion. I was thinking about Adam this whole time. Looking for an answer to my prayer and realizing that this was right on track to what I was thinking about. One of my main problems with dating Adam was that there wasn't an initial, intense spark that drew me to him as it had been with all the other guys I've dated. That concerned me because I took it to mean that there wasn't enough compatibility between us for it to work out long term. She said the person should uplift you, yes, share your same interests, yes, they should have the same goal of eternal life as you do, yes, and the last thing she said really blew me away. At this point I was getting kind of squirmy in my seat because I was realizing Adam was all of these things for me. Then she came straight out and said, "Compatibility is not important." That was too much for me. It was like Heavenly Father looked me in the face and spoke directly to me. It was so powerful that I got up immediately and ran out of the room. I went to the bottom of the stairs where I could still hear the talk that was being given, and I just cried. Sobbed is more like it. It was uncontrollable. Like when a child is overwhelmed and can't breathe enough to form coherent sentences. After a good 5 minutes of that, I went to the bathroom and blew my nose because it was running a lot. I looked in the mirror, and something Chelsy had said to me randomly popped into my head. I noticed that I don't really look weird or ugly when I cry. She told me I looked cute when I cry once, and as shallow and weird as it sounds, at that moment, I paused in my intense flow of emotion to think to myself, "Huh. I am kind of cute when I cry..." and now we're back.

Then I went back and Caitie was being completely tactless and kept looking at me as if to say, "Why is your face red? Have you been crying? Are you ok??" which really annoyed me. But Adam played it cool. I was happy for that. Then the husband of the woman who had touched me so deeply got up and said something else I needed to hear. I was still kind of afraid of being with Adam because, what if it is wrong? Then I'm not only hurting myself, I'm hurting him too which I would hate. He's such a good man and he's going through so much, the last thing he needs right now is a girl to toy with his feelings because she isn't sure. He said, "Pray about what your should do. Ask of the Lord and he will tell you. Then if you choose wrong, he will stop you before it is too late." That was all I needed. I decided right then to finally start listening to the Spirit and do what the Lord wanted me to. I left that meeting so full of love for my Heavenly Father and so spiritually edified. I knew what I had to do. Me and Adam and Caitie had dinner provided by Caitie, it was a kind of chili soup, but then Adam left and I felt like I had upset him still with the whole Levi thing. I wondered if it was too late and if I hadn't acted soon enough but I knew I still had to try and be obedient even if Adam rejected me.

Then Levi texted me. At this point I was still on Levi's side. I still wanted him but I knew I had to give Adam a chance, a real chance. I told him we could still hang out and we did. We ended up going to his apartment and watching the 5th Element on my recommendation. It was a horrible movie. Way better when I was like...12. I was enjoying being with him knowing it would be the last time. I was being selfish. He didn't know what was going on or what was going to happen, I just wasn't ready to let him go. I wanted to see how things with Adam went but deep down, I knew me and Levi were over. I just spent that night with him as if everything were ok. It was nice. And I do miss him but I'm not sure if it's because of how much we kissed and how affectionate we were towards eachother or because we really would have been good together had it not been for Adam.

That night after I got back, I had a text from Adam asking if I wanted to play guitar before Ward Prayer because he and I had talked about learning "Need You Now" by Lady Antabellum and I had gotten him the piano music. I replied about 3 hours later because I was with Levi saying I wished I could have because it would have been really fun and I bet he was probably already in bed. Then he replied and said he wasn't and if I wanted to meet in the lodge at 11:45, we could practice for a little while before it closed. I agreed and talked to chels in the inbetween time about how I was going to go for it. I was nervous because, after the day's events with Levi, I wasn't sure if he would still be interested.

So we met up and played for about 10 minutes then had to leave. I had brought my notes from Stake Conference to show him exactly what happened.I told him I wanted to talk to him so we sat down in the hall. Sadly I forgot my notes in the hymn book and never got them back. But I told him everything that had been going on in my head and said that if he was up for it, I was up for giving us a try. He smiled, most likely enjoying how nervous and out of my element I was, and said he had a story that he thought I would enjoy. He didn't even tell me straight out what he wanted to do! The suspense was killing me. (Side note, I just made a Freudian slip whilst typing. I meant to say "killing me," but accidentally typed "kissing me." Foreshadowing? We shall see...) I had made a playlist for him a couple days prior with all the songs from Playlist.com and Pandora and other playlists on grooveshark that I have liked. It's a really good playlist. He pulled up the lyrics from one and told me this was one of the most direct answers to his prayers he had gotten through a song and it was the first one that played when he listened to the playlist I made. It was as follows:

Back up, back up, take another chance
Don?t you mess up, mess up, I don?t wanna lose you
Wake up, wake up, this ain't just a thing that you
Give up, give up, don?t you say that I?d be
Better off, better off, sleeping by myself and wondering
If I'm better off, better off without you boy


Then he said that yes, he would like to give it a chance. So that night, 3-16-11, was the night Adam Lysenko and I started dating. The Lord told me to do it and for the first time in my life, I followed the Spirit. It was the right thing to do.

Snow Cabbage

Last Night I dreamt that I was in someone’s house and we were all presenting things. I don’t remember the other people’s presentations but I was really nervous for mine because I knew the othe people had done really well. I started breathing in and out really fast, just like the others did in their presentations, and I think it was supposed to break something up? I don’t remember that part that well. So I get up to my seat and I have a cabbage in my hand, the green kind. I broke it up into little slivers and held it like a bouquet. I told people, “So…this is cabbage…” and thankfully someone else piped up and said, “Also known as snow cabbage.” I didn’t know that and I was really glad they had said something because I was completely unprepared. Then people wanted to touch it. It was really soft and kind of felt like running your fingers over the pages of a book. Like shuffling through them. I told people it was kind of colored like green onions. White on the bottom then slowly transitioning to green. Then I had to explain to someone what green onions were.

Next I was at Chelsy’s house I think. We went shopping and bought candy. It was like 10.50 or something (it was a very specific price, 10.47 maybe? But I can’t remember.) for two candies in this bin thing. I chose an almond hersheys and a big bag of individually wrapped caramels and chocolate covered caramels. There was a bag in the bin that was open and half empty so I poured the rest of its contents into my bag to make sure I got my money’s worth. I vaguely remember the check out…I think we were in or next to the self check out line.

Then I kind of woke up to an alarm clock but fell back asleep. Then in this dream Meaghan came in and was borrowing something from Chelsy and I said, “Meaghan is that your alarm clock?” she said yes but that it was somewhere hidden inside her room and she hadn’t taken the time to find it. I asked her if she could because it had been waking me up every morning.  I was somewhat irritated and I think she got bratty about it and  we got in a hand to hand struggle. She was grabbing something in my room and I held her arms so she couldn’t take it. Then she held mine and this really annoyed me so I started pinching the backs of her arms. This stopped her a little. I remember noting how upset that makes chelsy. That’s all.

Tidal Waves

Last night my dream was somewhat stressful and weird as well.

Me any my aunt were driving in a really intense rain storm. There was so much water that it was forming tidal waves on the road. The road was steep and windy with a cliff on the right side. I think there was an ocean to the right and a mountain to the left. It was dark and very hard to see. My aunt Gini was driving and she couldn't see very well so she said, "Ok Gabrielle, I need you to be my eyes." This made me very nervous because I could hardly see either. We were turning to the right when thought we were supposed to be turning to the left so I got really scared and yelled for her to turn. She did but it turns out I was wrong and we were quickly approaching a car in the other lane. It was a white jeep like car. The jeep tried to stop but started hydroplaning and frantically turned to the left, then the right but couldn't get out of the way. Finally it ended up going around us and the crisis was averted. But then we saw it turn around behind us and start following us. At this point I think it was sunny and had stopped raining. Now we were concerned about getting away from the car because we were afraid of the driver.

We drove up to a really nice house and thought we could hide from the car there. There was a fence with ivy growing up it. We hid in the back yard but just as we found our hiding place, we realized there was a mexican family outside. I think it was The mom and two kids. A boy and a girl. The girl was older. Then the dad came out. My aunt was already hiding but I was out in the open so I hid behind a pillar. Every time the dad would move, I would move to the opposite side of the pillar so he wouldn't catch me. I remember looking around the side of the pillar wondering how I could look around to see where he was so I could move without him seeing me. That's all I remember.

Nighmares

Last night must have been bad. I had a horrible dream:

Me and Corrinn (my best friend in idaho) were at Jere's (my grandma) house but it was different. A lot creepier. We were sleeping in the ditch/cave kind of things. Maybe like a rabbit hole? We slept with our feet towards the opening and only about our shoulders up were actually in the hole. We could see behind us a lot of bones and skeletons. One was a rabbit that still had decomposing flesh on it and another I thought was the skeleton of a silverback gorrilla because apparently they used to come out in my grandmas fields in "the old days." This all made sense in my mind... Then we saw a human skeleton. Didn't even think twice about it and fell asleep. In the morning we both woke up at the same time and Corinn stretched with her hands high above her head then brought them back down and her entire right hand had been eaten to the bone by some mysterious....something. We freaked out and then she looked at me and there was a hole on the right side of my jaw that had been eaten away all the way through to my teeth. I went inside to get Jere and Corinn stayed inside. I got inside and me and Jere both ran out to Corinn but by the time we had gotten there, for some reason Corinn had broken her skeletal hand off. By the way, it was bloody or white bone either. It was like mummy bones that had been sitting for years. Brown and creepy...The flesh around the wounds was shredded and somewhat decomposing. She broke the fingers off first, then all of it at the wrist. I remember wondering at that point why neither of us were in pain. Then we all went inside and we were scared that someone was outside for some reason. I looked in a mirror multiple times and asked people if the hole on my face was still there. They kept telling me yes and seemed to be on the verge of being annoyed so I didn't ask anymore but for some reason, I couldn't see or feel it. I remember when I looked into the mirror I also noticed a mole on my face. Like on my cheek. There was something to do with Jeremy (my brother) when we came in, I think he way laying on his stomach on the floor, it was a wood floor, and I was scared of him for some reason. I don't know why. Then we were talking to Jere in the living room about what we could do about our wounds and she had some kind of medicine. I don't remember what she said but I remember the image it put in my mind. It was something to the effect of a grub worm or little white squishy bug being squished in a piece of paper. Maybe we were supposed to apply that to the area or something. Jere was like a witch doctor in the dream...That's all I remember.

My Dream Last Night

First, I dreamt that I was on a boat but the boat was actually just a table with a sail. Just like the tables we have in our apartments. It had a pirate wheel on it with the prongs and everything except it was really small. Like I could fit my whole hand around it. Since it was so small, I had to be really careful with turning. It took a lot of work. The sail was too big so the boat was going really fast and I was really scared I was going to run into something. Also, I think I was sailing on water but kind of just where my boat was. The surrounding area was normal with people walking, stores, and cars, and parking lots. I remember being scared because the boat was going to run into someone's parked red car. I told her to move it so she went to do that really fast. I think I got off to help her but when I came back for my boat, it was already stopped by some pillar or something and was stacked on another table with chairs on it.

Then I dreamt I had this animal, I don't remember what it was first, but I was walking around with it in the forest and wilderness and such. Then it turned into a bird and I was riding on the back of it. It was just a normal bird, the kind you see in birdhouses all the time so it was pretty small. I was involved in the dream but also watching it. I remember wondering if I was really small because I could ride the bird. Then all the animals in the forest started stampeding or all walking in the same direction I suppose. There were all kinds, elephants is what I remember though.

This one is kind of foggy. Me and someone else, a guy I think, were trying to get into this house or something and I moved the screen up so we could crawl through the window. It was one of the long skinny windows. There was a man inside I think...That's all I remember right now. There may have been something to do with a radio.

I just remembered some more. I was at a jewlery store with my step dad, one with poor selection I might add, and we were picking out another wedding ring for my mom. I was looking at ones that flared out from the diamond because that's how hers is and she said it looked like a butterfly. He was looking at one and said "maybe she'll want craters in it again" which I knew meant divits in the gold. We got some discount for buying the ring and the wedding band together but it was all really expensive. Like 20000 dollars. I remember thinking how I would much rather have a cubic zirconia diamond. Then I was back at my house in meridian but instead of a mirror on the wall there was a big screen tv and we were playing some game. I was acting like vannah white and pressing all the squares that people called out. It was numbers and you were supposed to get as many up as possible. I couldn't reach the top ones so my step dad went to go get a back scratcher to reach them but i found one before he got back. It didnt really work though and i was scared it would damage the tv. then instead of pictures of numbers coming up, innapropriate pictures did and i got really sad and put my head in my lap and asked kelly to make it stop. that's all i remember.